


Strong (In the Real Way)

by AngelBlue



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Baby Steven, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Mental Illness, Panic Attacks, Pearl/Rose Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 09:24:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4999444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelBlue/pseuds/AngelBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quick Pearl/Rose drabble set after Steven's creation/birth; alternatively, a study in grief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strong (In the Real Way)

**Author's Note:**

> If second-person PoV bothers you, this is probably not the fic for you  
> Not romance-centric  
> Fic contains graphic depictions of anxiety/low self-esteem/panic attacks  
> the Major Character Death warning is for Rose
> 
> I don't own SU I'm just a lil gay bird who loves girls 
> 
> Enjoy!  
> I'm on the blue hell site at captain-pride.tumblr.com

And in a moment she is gone. Thousands of years of loyalty, friendship, love – gone. Final. Permanent. Some naïve part of you wants to believe she could come back to you. For you. 

Stupid child. Worthlessbadnothing. She made her choice and she chose Him. Are you even surprised? Stupid stupid stupid shut up leave me alone she doesn’t want you.

Of course they miss her too; how could they not? But it’s not the same and they know it. They never loved her like you did. She was – is? was? – your world, your home, your most precious everything, and it wasn’t enough. 

You weren’t enough for her and she doesn’t love you anymore will never love you STUPID worthlessbadnothing you can’t breathe and – 

A knock at the door. 

“Pearl?”

It’s Him. You glance around the room frantically, drag your hands across your eyes and clear your throat. You will not let him see you without your composure. “Come in.”

He opens the door and shuffles inside. You do not turn to face him.

“Garnet and Amethyst told me you haven’t been doin’ so well lately.”

Silence. 

“Here, uh, I, uh, brought you some books. Hope this helps.” 

He sets the pile on the floor and takes a deep breath. “See ya around.”

You wait until the door shuts behind him, then cautiously examine the stack. Grief Management, Losing A Loved One, Coping with Loss, it’s too much and your hands are on them, ripping and tearing and shrieking how dare he how dare she –

A scrap of paper falls to the floor. The chunky, bold handwriting reads, “Pearl, I miss her so much it hurts and I think about her all the time. I can only imagine what you’re going through. I hope you can forgive me – Greg”

And your sobs shake your fragile bird bones and you’re rocking back and forth on the floor desperately trying to piece together the fragments of pages. 

How could you blame him for loving her?

Eventually the sniffles subside and you’re breathing again. In for four, out for four. This is what she says when you’re scattered on the floor and everything is too much. 

You let the silence wrap around you until a soft cry reaches your ears. Steven. You’re on your feet in an instant, slipping through the door.

He’s lying in his pale pink crib, tiny fingers balled up in fists; he’s not yet wailing, but clearly distressed. Is he hungry? Fussy? Sleepy? Time for some good old-fashioned trial-and-error. 

You wrap him tightly in his blanket and lift him gently, almost reverently, into your arms. He lets out another whimper and you rock him gently, one hand holding him to your chest and the other supporting his head. He has her curls. 

A wistful smile creeps across your face and you tickle him under his chin until he giggles and coos. He looks up at you with those dark eyes full of such wisdom and you swear he knows – she knows too – that this is what you needed. 

You will be strong for them, both of them. He is a second chance you don’t deserve and you will learn to love them better this time.


End file.
